This is a blog you’ll enjoy if you like writing! I write for magazines in the UK and abroad and I am also the Agony Aunt for Writers’ Forum magazine.



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The Wednesday Writing Spot. Tips on Winning Short Story Competitions

This is the first of four posts about various aspects of short story writing, which will go out over the next four Wednesdays, in my new Wednesday Writing Spot. I hope they are helpful.

I have spent a fair bit of time judging short story competitions, and I have been asked to judge two more this year, I’m judging the short story award for the Wells Festival of Literature, more details here and also the H E Bates Short Story Competition, more details here so I thought it would be a good plan if we started with some tips on winning competitions.

So what do I look for when I judge a competition?  How exactly do stories lift themselves to the top of the pile?

These elements are in no particular order.

A good title

This helps attract my attention although if the story doesn’t work – it won’t be enough on its own.

Good writing

This always attracts my attention. And by good writing, I mean that the story is well crafted. There will be good sentence construction, no clichés or tired lines. There will be an intriguing opening, probably a few particularly good lines – I often point out examples of these in my individual comments, if I’m doing critiques too.

The story works

This means that the whole story has to work – from beginning to end.  There must be a good strong premise, which is developed throughout the story and the ending must be satisfactory. By satisfactory I mean that it should work for that story. It should tie up with the beginning without being predictable. It shouldn’t be obscure or too obvious.

Originality

It helps if I haven’t seen the plot line before – this is tricky because I’ve seen hundreds. If I have seen it before it helps if there is a new angle – maybe humour, or a different structure.

Believable characters

They must be believable and not cardboard cut outs.  Characterisation is probably one of the most important things in a short story – or any story, come to that.  If I get the sense that these characters could actually exist that is a great start. In many of the stories I read I find that the characters are not fully developed, which means that often they are not quite believable.

Character motivation

This is strongly tied up with believable characters. Would they really do that?  Ask yourself when you are creating a character if their actions are likely. If a character’s actions strike me as unbelievable I tend to lose interest in the story. Characters can do unlikely things in a story, but you have to make me believe they would do them.

Emotional involvement

Again this is strongly tied up with believable characters and character motivation. Am I involved with these characters? Do I care what happens to them, or are they so insipid and unbelievable that I’m not that bothered? The acid test here, is do you care about them? Really care, I mean? Are you moved when you write about them or are they just a means to get your plot on the page?

An intriguing plot/dilemma

Do I want to keep reading? Is there enough of a hook which starts at the beginning and draws me through. It’s quite hard to do this in a short story, but if you can do it, you are likely to succeed.

Good dialogue

It’s hard to achieve but good dialogue (where everyone doesn’t speak in exactly the same way) goes a long way to making characters believable.

An unusual setting

The more competitions I judge the more I think that this is important. An unusual well drawn setting can make your story stand out from the rest.

A point

Yes, stories should be entertaining but they should also have a point.  This is a fact I overlooked when I first started writing short stories.  Think about your story’s overall message. Is there one? Or are you just writing about an incident that is actually quite slight – and may have been amusing when you thought about it, but isn’t really enough to hold a reader’s interest?  Stories that are too slight can come across as anecdotal.

Good presentation, grammar etc

This is not the be all and end all. If you have written an excellent story and it’s badly presented you may still get placed. (If the judge sees your story) But bear in mind you probably won’t get past the first reader in a national competition.

Something very important to remember

When you enter a competition where there are hundreds of entries and only three or so prizes the initial readers will be looking for a reason to throw your story out of the pile. Don’t give them one.

And, one last thing, most entries arrive on the deadline in a competition. This is fine, as long as you haven’t written it the day before in a panic because if you have, then you won’t have had a proper cooling off period in which to edit it. Write your story in good time, then put it aside for a week or so, then edit it. You are much more likely to produce a polished piece of work.

Good luck.

And if you’d like any more advice on writing short stories, please check out my two writing guides. How to Write and Sell Short Stories published by Accent Press and The Short Story Writers’ Toolshed published by Soundhaven.com

Next week we will take a look at story arcs.

PS Below is the update on entries received so far for the Wells Festival of Literature Competition.

Total On-line Entries so far this year:

Poetry: 17
Short Stories: 29
Crime Novels: 4

We have also received a similar number of entries using the traditional pen and paper method.

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Posted in competitions, Wednesday Writing Spot, Writing, Writing problems and solutions | Tagged , , | 8 Comments

Guest Post – Peter Jones – Seven things you can do with a paperback that you can’t do with a kindle!

A few words today from Peter Jones my esteemed co-author, about our latest book 🙂

And do please go along to his new look website to find out about more of his work.

 I’m delighted to announce that as promised the paperback edition of How To Eat Loads And Stay Slim is now available from amazon (.co.uk | .com) – or from your favourite bookstore (get them to order it in; ISBN: 978-1490318844).

The paperback has a number of advantages over it’s ebook and audio cousins. Here’s just a few…

  1. Unlike the audio and ebook, you can’t ‘switch it off’. It sits there as a constant reminder of the promise you made yourself on the first action point, and the smart-eating principals within.
  2. You can write in it! Which means you can jot down notes as you go along, check off the action points you’ve done, and on page 180 put a ‘tick’ next to the stars you’ve earned.
  3. You can spill food and drink on it and it still works (useful if you’re propping it up on the kitchen worktop whilst trying out a recipe).
  4. It’s sand proof (good for the beach).
  5. And bath proof. Sort of.
  6. You can use it to temporarily prop up wonky table legs in restaurants.
  7. And once you’re gorgeously slender and no longer need it you can sell it, give it to your friends, or donate it to charity – all without a lot of technical messing about or worrying about ‘DRM’ (digital rights management – like you wanted to know that)

Right now the paperback is a mere £6.74 or $8.99 (depending on whether amazon (.co.uk | .com) have shaved a few pence off the price), and as summer’s either here or just around the corner why not use this an an opportunity to change the way you look at food, and take a few steps towards a slimmer you.


If you won a copy of the paperback in our recent promo, it’ll be on its way to you by the end of the week.

Thanks so much, Peter, some very good points, and here is one last slightly tongue in cheek reason to buy the paperback from me:

A paperback makes a much better fly swatter in the garden than a kindle – so what are you waiting for 🙂

 

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Apple and Ginger Clafouti – a summer virtually fat free dessert!

About time we had some food on this blog, so here’s my recipe for…

Apple and Ginger Clafouti

(serves 8 – or two very hungry eat-loadsers – one slice shown in picture)

 

Preparation time – about 15 mins (not including cooking)

Ingredients

4 – 5 medium sized cooking apples

500g fat free fromage frais (I use Tesco light choices Natural Normandy Fromage Frais)

4 eggs

5 tbs artificial sweetener – plus sweetener for apple (to taste)

Ginger root – inch or so finely chopped (or ground ginger)

Nutmeg (pinch)

Cinnamon (pinch)

4 Cloves

Vanilla pod or dash of vanilla essence

2 or 3 tbs of water

 

Method

Preheat oven to 150 degrees C/Gas mark 2.

Peel apples and slice into saucepan (discard cores) Add sweetener to taste, 4 cloves, nutmeg, cinnamon, half the ginger, water to stop sticking. Then simmer gently on hob until apples soft.

Meanwhile, beat together the eggs, fromage frais, 5 tbs of sweetener. Add the remainder of the chopped ginger, the vanilla pod if using or vanilla essence.

Spread softened apples over a large flan dish (remove the 4 cloves if you prefer not to bite into them later). Then cover apples with fromage frais mix and bake for 45 to 55 minutes. Keep an eye on it – I find this can burn quite easily once it’s nearly cooked. When it is cooked it will feel spongy and the edges will have started to brown.

You can serve this dessert hot or cold – each are equally yummy, and you can also wear a halo whilst eating it. It is very low fat and delicious.  NB In the picture ours is shown with a dusting of icing sugar – this is not essential, and will detract from its angelic properties :). There are lots of ways of eating loads and staying slim in our book, How to Eat Loads and Stay Slim.

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Goals, writing a bestseller and the law of attraction

If you are a regular follower of my blog you will know I’m quite keen on goals. I set goals for my writing: I set annual goals, which get broken down into weekly, monthly and daily goals. I come from a managerial background. Before I was writing full time I worked with targets both for myself and my staff.  (I wish I had staff now, ones that did housework and cooked dinner, sigh…). And goals transfer well to writing. They keep me motivated and help me to plan my work.

Today I was talking to Helen, a very wise, and very good friend of mine, about one of her favourite subjects, the law of attraction. If you haven’t heard of this before, it is the process of attracting things, people, money, and – well virtually anything you like really – into your life, effortlessly.

“You could do it,” Helen said, with a huge smile. “What would you like to attract into your life right now?”

“What I would like most,” I said, after a few minutes thought – OK, three seconds thought – “Is for my novel, Ice and a Slice, to be a bestseller.”

“Right,” she said, “You’ve just taken the first step. You’ve thought about what you would like.”

“How many steps are there?” I asked.

“Four,” she informed me cheerily.

So step one: Think about what you would like to happen. 

“What’s step two?” I asked.

“Form a clear intention about exactly what that means. Write it down.”

I had a think.  “Hmmm, well, I think I would like Ice and a Slice to be on the New York Times Bestseller List, oh and it would be quite nice if it was a Sunday Times Bestseller too. That would be pretty cool.”

Step two: Be specific. Identify a very clear goal and write it down somewhere you will see it often.

I thought it might be quite a fine plan to write it on the cover of my novel. Which was excellent fun. I recommend this. See picture.

“Step three,” Helen continued, “Is to take action.  Think about your goal (what it actually means) and then identify the actions you need to take to make your goal happen.”

Step three: Take Action.

That was pretty easy. If I want my novel to be a bestseller I need to sell a lot of copies. How exactly do I go about that? Well, I need to tell people about it for starters. Ideally, it would be good if I could get an advert on prime time television – in between the first and second half of Corrie would be excellent, or maybe Britain’s Got Talent.  However, I think this may require slightly more of a budget than I’ve got at my disposal 🙂

So what’s Plan B?

I can tell people about it.  Hence this blog – well you are reading it aren’t you?  Did I mention that Ice and a Slice is now out in paperback and it’s available here. You may find your copy doesn’t have quite the same cover as the copy above, but it’s close. It’s also available for Kindle enabled devices here.

“So is step four, to sit back and watch your plan, come to fruition?” I asked Helen with a wink.

“No, it is not,” she said, wagging a finger. “Step four is a ‘results step’ you are right there, but it does not involve sitting around doing nothing.” (I had a feeling that would be the case!)

“As you continue to carry out the actions that will make your goal a reality you will grow both personally and spiritually. But you must persevere. You must carry out these actions with passion. You must never, ever give up. It is in the process of action, action and more action that you will grow spiritually, and you will also inspire other people.”

Step four: Persevere. Never give up, which will result in both personal spiritual growth and will also inspire other people.

I decided to have another go at the cover. Just to be sure – this one’s slightly different. Check out the top right hand corner. I really do recommend you do this with your own bestseller projects by the way.  It’s excellent fun.

Does it work? I have no idea. But I have a great deal of respect for my friend, Helen.

Watch this space!

What I can confirm, however, is that if you are feeling low about anything, whether it is writing related or anything else, trying these four steps really does cheer you up. So it’s worth doing it just for that reason. I would really love to hear your thoughts. Please do comment.

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Posted in Inspiration, Writing | 8 Comments

Virtually Fat Free – and Virtually Free to buy the book – if you’re very quick!

What do you think of this for a ‘virtually fat free’ dessert?  It’s one of the recipes from the How to Eat Loads and Stay Slim how to eat loads and stay slim.com. I thought you might like a sneak preview. Please do go and check out the others when you have a spare moment.

Fruit Kebabs with Stawberry Coulis and Chocolate Dip – serves four

These are quite impressive for a deliciously light summer afternoon dessert – when you have guests coming.

Ready in about thirty minutes (not including chilling dips)

For the kebabs

  • 10 or so strawberries
  • 2 bananas
  • 1 lime
  • Dusting of icing sugar to serve
  • Mint leaves to garnish

 For the coulis

  • 225 g (9 oz) of strawberries
  • 1 orange (2 tangerines work well too)
  • 1 – 2 tsps artificial sweetener

For the chocolate dip

  • 1 pot of natural fat free yoghurt (I use Total 0 per cent)
  • 1 heaped teaspoon of Nutella or any other chocolate spread (but not so heaped you can get the whole jar on it). It’s easier if the Nutella isn’t too cold.

NB Prepare the coulis and chocolate dip first so they can be refrigerated.

Method

For the Coulis

Hull and roughly chop strawberries. Grate orange zest and squeeze orange. Put all the coulis ingredients into a blender and blitz till smooth. Chill. (That’s the coulis, not you. Though by all means chill too if you want to)

For the chocolate dip

Mix together yoghurt and Nutella vey well, then return to fridge to chill. (tiny strips of lime can be used for garnish – if you don’t have any mint handy).

For skewers – do them just prior to eating

Hull and chop the strawberries, peel the bananas and cut into chunks. Grate the lime zest, cut the lime in half and squeeze out juice. Thread strawberries and bananas alternately on to skewers, sprinkle with lime juice and zest, and then dust with icing sugar.

Very yummy and so virtuous you can put your halo on while you are eating them 🙂

And this is the book that inspired this recipe and quite a few others – some are in the book itself, and the ones that aren’t are on our website – or will be shortly.  In the meantime, if you’d like to know more about How to Eat Loads and Stay Slim, and how to get it for very little – or in some formats free – keep reading.

It’s here! From today (the 25th of May 2013) How To Eat Loads and Stay Slim is available for all kindle enabled devices from amazon (.co.uk | .com), AND as an audio download from audible (.co.uk | .com).

Get the ebook for just 99p (or 99c)

As you read this we’re hoping that the UK will be bathed in glorious sunshine – but regardless of whether the summer has finally decided to put in an appearance, the ebook edition is available for a mere 99p, for the duration of the bank holiday weekend. Come Tuesday morning the price goes back up! Get it now!

A FREE kindle reader app is available for all smartphones, computers and tablets from amazon (.co.uk | .com)

Get the audio for FREE

If you prefer to read with your ears there’s always the audio edition, narrated by your authors. This too is available from today.

(If you’re new to audible, and in the UK, you can get it for free. Just use this link, follow the instructions and search for  ’How To Eat Loads And Stay Slim’.)

You can read more about Della’s experience of recording the book here.

Get the paperback for FREE (if you’re really quick)

The paperback edition will be available in just a couple of weeks – early June we hope – also from amazon.  But the first five people who leave us a favourable review on amazon, for either of the editions that are there now, will get a paperback, signed by both of us, for FREE, when it comes out.

(We’re going to be really strict about this though; your review must be visible on amazon.co.uk or amazon.com, AND you have to be amongst the first five people to let us know. Don’t wait for the paperback to become available – leave your review today)


How To Eat Loads And Stay Slim will be available for the nook, the kobo, the sony e-reader, iBooks, and other e-reading apps and devices very soon. 

 

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Famous Authors and Other Stuff

Well, first of all, I have to say this now because it might never happen again. I am famous. Look – it says so in the Bournemouth Echo. OK so it’s in very small print, in column four, halfway down, but it does say it – it really does say famous author 🙂  I’m still waiting for the ‘rich’ bit to kick in. But one out of two isn’t bad. And it’s my birthday today, so a nice day for it to happen!

This article arose because Pam Fudge and I are teaching ‘How to Write Your First Novel’ at Bournemouth Library on Saturday 25th May. Do come along and join us if you fancy it. We are both really looking forward to it. It’s at 10.00 till 4.00 and costs £30.00, which is pretty good value because you’ll get two ‘famous authors’ for the price of one!

While I’m on the subject of Saturday courses, if you’ve ever fancied writing a memoir – I’ll be teaching How to Write Your Memoir/autobiography (or biography for someone else) on the 15th June. That’s at Kinson Community Centre in Bournemouth, also 10.00 till 4.00. £35.00. (please email me if you’d like to book).

Saturday 25th is also the day my book, co written with Peter Jones is coming out. That’s called How to Eat Loads and Stay Slim. So the 25th is a red letter day for me. Gosh, showing my age there, red letter day is quite old fashioned, isn’t it.

How To Eat Loads and Stay Slim isn’t a diet book. Not in the traditional sense.

It’s  a mixture of hard science (eg. how hunger really works), quick ‘cheats’ (eg. how to make zero fat chips), psychological techniques (eg. why focusing on your food as you eat is really important), ingenious strategies (eg. how to cut down on sugar without going cold turkey), and easy peasy recipes (eg. Peter’s roast potato & egg smashup breakfast or Della’s apple ginger clafouti) – all served up in an easy-to-digest, humourous read from authors who’ve been where you are now.

Each of thought provoking, scientifically-provable, idea has a STAR RATING. There are fifty four stars available. You get one just for buying the book! Collect enough and you’ll steadily increase your chances of being able to eat loads AND stay slim. Collect enough stars (thirty or more would be a good target to have) and we personally guarantee that a slim figure, coupled with a healthy but satiated appetite, are yours for the taking. No dieting required.

And most excitingly of all, my new novel, Ice and a Slice is coming out in paperback in June. How exciting is that. Ice and a Slice is already out for Kindle enabled devices and has 22 five star reviews. Here’s the latest one.

I hesitate to add yet another 5 star review to Ice and a Slice but I can’t help myself. Here is a novel which captured me after the first few pages – I just had to know whether the key character would end up in life’s gutter or if she would manage to climb out of the pit of despair. The surrounding characters, too, all slotted in perfectly; I occasionally loathed or loved them. But, of course, from reading her previous works I know Della Galton is blessed with the ability to take the reader on an emotional roller-coaster. It’s a ride well worth taking.

DeeJaye

I know I am blowing my own trumpet today (but it is my birthday). And to be honest, life has been pretty tough lately on a personal level. So it’s nice to have something good to report. Please forgive me. Writing has been my salvation, my escape and the one really good and consistent thing in my life this last year.  Where would I be without it? To be honest I really don’t want to answer that question. I certainly wouldn’t be very sane.

And I have enough friends reading this blog, who I know have been through some very tough personal stuff too, and have found writing to be a golden thread. So let’s hope this year is going to be a brilliant one for us all.

Thank you for reading. And happy writing. 🙂

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Four Myths About Writing Short Stories for Magazines

Writing stories for magazines is easy – right?

Er – no – we all know that’s a myth. If you’re reading my blog, then chances are, you’ll know it from personal experience.

Once you have sold a few stories to magazines, they just buy everything you send – right?

Er – no – they still only buy the ones they think are perfect for them.

If an editor asks you to rewrite a story, they will then buy the resulting rewrite, won’t they?

Er – no – they wont, not unless it’s perfect for them second time round, or third, or fourth.

Once you break in there’s loads of money in it.

Er – no!

Just to illustrate these four points – and one more very important point I thought I would share with you the journey of a magazine story I wrote. Out of courtesy I’m not going to name the actual magazines mentioned in the following examples. I will give them pseudonyms, so please don’t think there are four new magazine markets out there you haven’t heard of -there aren’t – but the actual facts are true.

On 8 December 2011 I wrote a story (let’s call it A Special Day) and sent it to that ‘well known magazine’ Women Everywhere. On 20 January 2012, their editor sent it back saying they liked the story but not the ending, could I possibly rewrite it and they’d take another look.

“Of course,” I said, and offered them A Special Day mark two on 26 January, 2012. A week later they sent it back saying, sorry, we’re not keen on this ending, please could you try again.

“Of course,” I said, and offered them A Special Day mark three on 17 February 2012. A week later they sent it back saying, sorry, we’re not keen on this ending either. Thanks for trying.

“Thank you for giving me the opportunity,” I said, and (not to be deterred) on 12 March 2012 I sent mark three of my story to another well known magazine called Women Worldwide.  

They ignored it for several months. I didn’t chase it, but on 24 January 2013 I sent a different version (mark two) to Women Worldwide, with a note mentioning they’d had a previous version, but this was new and improved. A month later they sent back the new and improved version with a polite rejection.

Not to be deterred – I’m quite stubborn, me – I looked at all my versions and decided that the mark two version was the best and I sent it to another well known magazine, let’s call them, Universal Woman.  A week or so later they sent it back with the comment, we enjoyed this but it’s not for us.

Again, not to be deterred – did I mention I was stubborn? – I sent the mark two version to yet another magazine called All Women on 5 March, 2013. On 8 May, 2013 they sent it back with the comment, “We quite like this, but could you change the end?”

“Of course,” I said, and rewrote the end for the fourth time (yes there was actually an ending I hadn’t thought of yet) and I resubbed it on the morning of the 15 May, 2013.  On the evening of the 15 May, their editor came back to me and said, “Yes please, we’ll buy that one.”

“Thank you very much,” I said. “That’s excellent news.”

Alleluia might have been a more accurate description of what I was feeling at that moment. That story had started life in December 2011, had been given four rewrites and finally sold in May 2013.

This kind of thing doesn’t happen all that often, thankfully, but it’s not unheard of, and I think illustrates quite well what I mentioned earlier. Writing for magazines is not easy, it doesn’t matter how many they’ve bought from you before it doesn’t mean they will buy your next one, and they won’t necessarily buy your 2nd or 3rd rewrite, even if they ask you to do them. And – no I did not get paid a fortune for the story when I finally sold it. But I did get paid!

I would like to end on a note of hope. If you really do think a story has got what it takes, then don’t give up on it.  There is every chance you will sell it eventually. And it is – I have to say – very, very very satisfying when you do!

If you would like to know more about writing and selling short stories – please do check out my book, The Short Story Writer’s Toolshed here.

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The Truth About What Happened at my Parents’ Ruby Wedding Anniversary by SJ Crosse, currently starring in Ice and a Slice by Della Galton

Hello everybody.   Here I am – finally – it took me a little longer than I expected to hack into Della Galton’s blog, but I managed it eventually. Da daaa!

Della Galton, who shall hereby be known as Teetotaller Big Knickers (TBK for short) doesn’t know I’m here so I’m going to have to be quick.

Right then. Now, as I’m sure, you all know, being an intelligent lot (We wordsmiths are very intelligent, aren’t we) that the reason I’m here is so I can set the record straight and tell you the truth, the absolute truth, and nothing but the truth, (rather than the, quite frankly, libellous version in Ice and a Slice) about what happened at my parents’ ruby wedding anniversary party.

Am I really here? (Pinches self to check) Ouch! Did that too hard!  (note to self to pinch lighter in future, or somewhere it doesn’t hurt, or maybe have a little restorative G&T, I mean T, I mean TEA prior to pinching…)  Never mind, where was I?

Ah yes, setting the record straight.  Now, if you do happen to have read Ice and a Slice (I’m the star, did I mention that?), well all I can say is that I hope you didn’t believe what you read. I’m not as bad as TBK makes out, you know. (nowhere near) In fact I hardly ever drink as a rule (except tea of course). And all that stuff she said I got up to at my parents’ Ruby Wedding Party. Well it’s nonsense, of course. Or at best, grossly exaggerated. I mean, I’m sure you didn’t believe a word of it, did you J

For a start I did NOT wreck my niece’s chances of a bit of how’s your father with her boyfriend.

That absolutely did NOT happen.  I would never do anything so insensitive as to barge into someone’s private bedroom and cause a big scene (even if they weren’t supposed to be in there and it was dark and I thought they were someone else.) I’m talking rhetorically now, of course, because that bit didn’t happen.

Basically, the true story is that Tom (he’s my husband) and I went to my parents’ Ruby Wedding Anniversary.  And just for the record, I did not make lists of excuses not to go.

I did not – and never would – invent a whole pile of reasons so I didn’t have to be in the same room as my sister for five years. I would never do such a thing. I l…l…lo….loathe, I mean love my sister. I LOVE my sister to bits in properly sisterly very nice fashion, as all sisters should!

Anyway, we went to the party, and it was all very lovely, and everyone got on frightfully well, and we all sat around and ate egg and cress sandwiches and cheese and cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off and we drank lovely big cups of tea. (I love tea).

And there was no drunkenness (apart from the darts players – their wives were the worst – oh and my aunt Evie – she’s an old soak!). And there was no lying down under the fridge (certainly not by me). And that pea story that TBK told you – you know about the escapee pea – there’s a pun there somewhere, escapee pea – escapea – da daaa. I’m a whizz with words, you know. I teach poetry and a pint on Wednesday evenings, and we have such fun. And we all sit around reading poetry and drinking pints of – um – tea.

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes the party, well all the stuff TBK wrote about what I did in the book. It’s all complete nonsense.  Actually, I’ll let you into a secret, shall I? It’s TBK who’s the drunk, not me. You should see her when she gets going – dances on tables and everything. (And she can’t dance either, but she thinks she can.) It’s hilarious – if ever you get the chance to watch her, you know if she invites you to a party or anything, do go. And take your camera.

I’d go but there wouldn’t be any point. I don’t drink, you see.  I’m practically teetotal – did I mention that?

Ha! So stick that in your pipe and smoke it, TBK Galton.

(Oh – and if you want to read TBK’s version of events – then you’ll have to buy the book. Ice and a Slice it’s called.) Click here to check it out. Bits of it are quite good. The bits that show me in a good light like when I’m – um – helping people with their charity work and – um – knitting jumpers for poor people. I do a lot of knitting in the book. It’s on page – um – 45 the knitting bit. (I think.)

But bear in mind – the party bit is all lies, lies, lies. Complete nonsense. I shall be doing more setting the record straight very soon. Watch out for me in blogs around the country!  Oh, and if you want to book me, you’ll have to go through my agent, TBK (Della Galton), or you could just sneakily get in touch via my Facebook Page, Ice and a Slice (which she’s not allowed on). Or email me at SarahJaneCrosse@Googlemail.com. Or tweet me @SarahJaneCrosse. Look forward to hearing from you very soon.

Bye for Now. SJ xxx

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Me, a Mic and a Darkened Room!

A little while ago I was lucky enough to get the chance to record my own book, How to Eat Loads and Stay Slim, for Audible.co.uk. Wow, what an experience that was! It took place in the tiny windowless studio you see in the picture. Just me, a mic and an iPad – oh and a glass of apple juice – more of that later.

Let’s start from the beginning. It seems an awfully long time ago that Peter Jones and I decided to write How to Eat Loads and Stay Slim. It was one of those books where we actually started with the title. We were chatting on the phone one day, Peter was telling me about his How to Do Everything and Be Happy book, and I said, what a great title. It could only be better if it was called How to Eat Loads and Stay Slim. And there you have it, the conception of a book. So we wrote it.

Anyway, back to the recording. We were lucky enough to get offered a contract from Audible, the world’s largest provider of spoken word entertainment. And we were also lucky enough to be asked to record it. (It’s a dual viewpoint book – I do the sensible stuff – Peter does the – er – whackier stuff.) So we both went along to Rushforth Media’s studios, in London where it all happens.

We were assigned a studio and an editor each. The editors were in separate studios, but connected to you by microphone. Mine was called Alice and she was lovely. How it works is that as you read, your editor listens, and if you stumble or miss out a word she stops you and asks you to go back. Reading your own book should be easy as pie (note the fitting simile, tee hee) but it isn’t of course. Because you know you are being recorded it’s scary as anything! Suddenly your tongue feels too big for your mouth and you have this urge to pant (with fear) which wouldn’t be good on an audio book, well at least not on the type we were doing. And,then there is the ongoing thought of, did this sentence I wrote really need to be this long?

We’d hardly got started when Alice said, “Sorry, Della, your throat is clicking.”
“My throat is what?”
“It’s clicking. Quite normal. Apple juice will sort it out. I’ll just get you some.”
“Um, thanks.”

Now for the uninitiated (as I was) throat clicking is something that we can all do sometimes when we’re speaking. Mostly it’s inaudible, but it can be heard on a sensitive mic – and – apparently apple juice sorts it out. And it did. You learn something new every day!

Once the throat clicking was resolved and I got going I was quite relaxed. The only other hold ups we had were extraneous noises, such as a door slamming somewhere in the building – or me moving too far from the mic – whereupon Alice would stop me and we would just re-record that line. Or occasionally I would come across a word I didn’t know how to pronounce. This is an occupational hazard I find with writing – I’m much better at writing our language than speaking it. Does bechamel have a ‘ch’ or a ‘sh’ in the middle? Yes, I know now, thanks, it’s besh-a-mel. Alice used pronunciation websites to check any queries. Interestingly, there were often several ‘right’ ways to pronounce words – which was quite reassuring.

Anyway, the book got recorded – it took less than a day – which is fast apparently. And Peter and I were exhausted by the end of it. But we both agreed it was a brilliant experience. We wouldn’t have missed it for anything. We can’t wait to hear the finished result. Especially the bits where Peter and I argue a point – as we both had to record our halves of the argument without the benefit of hearing the other person.

But we will have to wait to hear it. Although not that long because How to Eat Loads and Stay Slim comes out in audio on 24 May 2013. It will also be published in ebook format on 25 May. How exciting. Here’s the link to check it out.

And finally, just to add, if you ever get the chance to record your own book – then go for it. It’s a wonderful experience that I feel very privileged to have had. And being paid to do it was the icing on the cake – so to speak!

 

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Posted in Me on the radio - eek!, Writing | 8 Comments

How to eat loads and stay slim – our cover revealed!

“Please do not adjust your sets. There is nothing wrong with your computer screen.”

Ta daaa! It is with great pleasure that I can finally show you the cover for How To Eat Loads And Stay Slim!

If you’re a reader of Peter’s book How To Do Everything and Be Happy this might seem oddly familiar. And so it should. The original book jacket for Peter’s ‘Happy’ book was very similar – different colours, different silhouette, but the same basic layout and iconic star burst background. It proved a popular cover, but when Peter and I came to think about this book there was another very good reason why it was time to dust off the old design and give it a new lease of life.

Stars!

Just like it’s predecessor, throughout the new book you’ll come across various ‘Action Points’. The idea is that you stop, address the action, and then continue. But where ‘Slim’ differs is that each of the Action Points has a ‘star rating’.

You earn one star just for buying the book (did you spot that line of blue text along the bottom?), and with every additional star you acquire you will steadily increase your chances of being able to eat loads AND stay slim. Collect enough stars (thirty or more would be a good target to have) and Peter and I personally guarantee that a slim figure, coupled with a healthy but satiated appetite, are yours for the taking. And all you have to do to earn a star is complete an action point.

Back to the cover though. Peter and I can’t really take any credit for what you see before you. Both covers were designed by Ellen – who having taken our suggestions into consideration, ignored them completely and blew our socks off with the colourful creation you see today.

Ellen is an extremely talented young woman. Together with her business partner and fellow wordsmith Dan (hello Dan), they work for an advertising agency that’s going places. As well as the rather funky clothing company extragged.com

To finish up I thought I’d share with you the following video that Ellen helped create for Sir Paul McCartney (to be played behind him and the band during the American leg of his world tour)! It basically involved locking Ellen in a room for two weeks with a huge blackboard and getting her to draw whatever came to mind to the song Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, with occasional input on the phone from Sir Paul himself. The result is pretty stunning. Like I said, talented young woman.

If you’re reading this in your email or you can’t see the video – click here


How To eat Loads and Stay Slim will be available May 2013. To find out more visit the website here, the facebook page here, and the twitter feed here.

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